Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
