But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
