On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize