If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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