So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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