dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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