he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
