i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize