All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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