It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
