38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
