I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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