maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
