I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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