Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
