Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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