Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.

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(585): View more from New York

bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

(1-585): View more from New York

oh god.. jail?

(585): View more from New York

better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

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(409): View more from Texas

he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors

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(360): View more from Washington

It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.

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(818): View more from California

I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.

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(725): View more from

CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis

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