You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
