my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
