We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
These tits shall not be calmed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
