yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
