Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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