and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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