She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
