An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
