Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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