If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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