so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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