I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
