the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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