Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
