so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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