this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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