Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
