I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
