summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
