I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
