He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
