One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
