ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
