How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So many bounce houses so little time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
