He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
