You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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