Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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