wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
