i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
