that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're like the curious george of whores
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
