So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize