I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
