Tell her she can't have a vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize