I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
