You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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