apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
