South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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