She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
