I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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