Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
