I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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