Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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