I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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