Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
