we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
