I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
