remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
