they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
