Dual....:-)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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