It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
