census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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