Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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