hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
